[RP TownTalk] Fw: [HOPE_in_Hyattsville] Candidate Question from HOPE - Bart's Response

[Melissa Avery]

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Dwight Holmes <dwightrholmes at gmail.com>
To: HOPE_in_Hyattsville at yahoogroups.com 
Sent: Saturday, May 4, 2013 6:32 PM
Subject: Re: [HOPE_in_Hyattsville] Candidate Question from HOPE - Bart's Response
 


  
I'm only sorry we live in Riverdale Park and can't vote for the future King of Hyattsville.  Long Live the King!!


On Sat, May 4, 2013 at 9:09 AM, Bart Lawrence <BARTKATHLEEN at hotmail.com> wrote:

 
>  
>[Jim Groves asked us to imagine what we would do as 'King of Hyattsville.]
> 
>Citizens of Hyattsville,
>As King of Hyattsville, I decree:
>	* All mayors, city council members, and candidates, past and present, shall engage in a group hug lasting no less than 20 minutes
>	* The Hyattsville Royal Guard, led by Sir Holland, shall immediately set about the conquest of University Park and the subjugation of its people
>	* Queens Chapel in the just conquered realm of University Park shall be reopened to automobile traffic
>	* All roads within the limits of Hyattsville shall be run underground except for the stretch of Queens Chapel that passes through the just conquered realm of University Park
>	* All azaleas in the just conquered realm of University Park shall be torn up and replaced with native swamp azaleas (Rhodendron viscosum ) purchased at the Hyattsville Elementary School PTA's annual Native Plant Sale on May 18, 2013 from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.
>	* Residents of Hitching Post Lane shall ride horses only
>	* An H-shaped planter, stenciled with the phrase 'Courtesy of Tim Hunt,' shall be placed on every lawn in University Hills
>	* Franklin's shall be the royal palace and serve a Red's-like Fellini pizza with the option of anchovies
>	* Coops shall be installed in every yard, stocked with chickens from the City Chicken Aviary, which shall by constructed on Ingraham Street
>	* A three-acre flower garden shall be planted at Hyattsville Middle School and children shall be invited to pick flowers everyday so as to get flower-picking out of their system
>	* Those who call neighbors 'faggots', shoot out neighbors' windows, and engage in any other nasty behavior shall be fed to the Sarlacc, which was just discovered in the realm of University Park
>	* GoatMan Hollow shall take place each weekend of the month of October and feature deer with laser-shooting eyes
>	* The Mall at Prince George's Plaza shall be leveled and replaced by drive-in movie theatre and 36-hole mini-golf course with an Alfred Hitchcock theme
>	* The WSSC building shall become the National Museum of Puppetry
>	* The Hyattsville Branch of the library shall be open 24/7 and the flying saucer portico shall be made fully functional
>	* The Arcade building shall be restored as a silent theatre and show only German Expressionist films
>	* Ball playing shall be allowed at Nicholson Park
>	* A carousel shall replace the Shell station at Hamilton and Queens Chapel
>	* Leaf blowers shall be replaced with rakes, lawnmowers with goats
>	* Joe Ludes shall tend the Royal Gardens
>	* The Northeast and Northwest Branch shall be stocked with brook trout and deemed Royal Fisheries
>	* There shall be a cocktail crawl
>	* Jerks and Red Sox fans shall be banished from the city to live a lonely and sterile life in Virginia
>	* CAFE's Positive Vibrations Youth Steel Orchestra shall open every council and PTA meeting and where ever else and whenever else I darn well want them to because they're so awesome
>	* The Concordia Lutheran School building shall be converted into a combination duckpin bowling alley and roller-skating rink or, failing that, an early education center
>	* The Redskins shall be referred to as anything other than the Redskins
>	* The Hyattsville Life & Times shall be replaced by a town crier wearing a tricorn hat who shall read Stephen Dobyns' poem 'How To Like It' at sundown each day
>	* The City budget shall be made whole; all major street projects shall be complete; the ADA transition plan shall be acted upon; the Arcade project shall be complete; bike and pedestrian improvements shall be made; peace shall be maintained; shade trees shall be planted everywhere; the 6200 block of 42nd Ave., which is now underground, shall have lane markings; traffic control devices, such a stop signs, shall be added along 42nd, 43rd, and other city streets, which are also underground, to slow traffic; the student-teacher ratio shall be 12:1; the geld shall be set at the rate of $0.63 per $100
>	* All shall laugh at His Majesty's jokes, even when they're not funny, and understand that there's no ill-will intended hereThe King
> 
>

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